You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
