HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is it fun? or sober?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
