I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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