I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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