Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
