I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
