While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
