My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
