So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
