I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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