butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
