Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just forgot I was standing up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
