Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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