Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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