I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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