what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
