Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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