Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
