thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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