so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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