it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
