I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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