So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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