From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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