people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your penis caused this!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
