Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
