My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
