I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
