According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
