Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
