please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
