There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize