Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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