yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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