So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
