he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
