What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Please, let me fuck your mom
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
