My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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