absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
