I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pants are for mortals
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize