Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
