We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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