I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
