dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
