i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
