some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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