Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
