She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize