Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
barbara walters just said penis...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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