I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize