You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
