What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
