What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
