Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
