I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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