those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
