I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
