I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
