Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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