Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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