I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
