nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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