i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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