it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
