I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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