this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
