I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my shit smells like andre
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize