My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
