I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
