I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
