just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
