Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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