i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
