Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
