so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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